Drinking Games: Getting Low
Here we are; week 3, the saga continues!
I thought I would start out by telling you some fun things that happened to me this week.
I have been spending more time in bright and new places and less time in dark and mold soaked bar mat kind of places.
Each place I go to daily has its purpose or salvation.
First there is work, my favorite place in the world where I get to see all my Crave PT Family and live my dream career.
Second, HB Max Muscle is where I go to have the owner pinch at my fat and put me down emotionally (but don’t worry he is just breaking me down to build me back up. LOL.) I also eat my food like a ravenous hyena in his back room where I stare at the life-sized poster of Ms. IFBB Pro and I pretend she is judging me every bite I take. It works well for portion control. I work well under judgement.
Then there is 24 hour where I workout simply because it’s a place where I can separate work from workout and search for the future Mr. Taryn Peters. At my gym I can’t get my scheduled workouts in because my OCD kicks in and I start mopping, then stocking towels and before you know it I’m arranging the kettle bells just so and oops times up I never got a workout in. I do join a boot camp every day which is the highlight of my day. Here I can judge my trainers without them knowing 😉 Just kidding! I’ve got the best trainers in the world and that is why I feel confident in them training me.
Then I have fun little events like walking into my daily sauna mediation session and experiencing what would come to be known as, ‘The Wrath of God.’ In 3 weeks of this sauna routine I have not had to experience such horror as I did on Friday.
I walked into the sauna and wished I could have walked out just as soon as I had entered but I feared that would have been obvious and rude. Like reputing someone’s body odor would have made me impolite. (I think we know who in this scenario was really the rude fella.)
So instead I sat down and started surveying the space. I tried making eye contact with other members as if to ask them with my eyes, “Do you smell what I am smelling?” You see this odor could only be described as a monkey turd, wrapped in burnt hair from a gerbil, wrapped in a homeless man’s jacket, soaked in whiskey drank by another homeless man and then slowly was being released out of someone’s pores.
I tried to mouth breathe but all I could think about was those smelly molecules being inside of my mouth and at 4 minutes 12 seconds in I had to humble myself and “tap out.”
I know you’re thinking well things can only go up from there Taryn. Wrong-O!
I, much like the 1970’s Exorcist, Linda Blair, believe I have “Exercised the demons!” aka the alcohol fueled Taryn-ist who was wreaking havoc on my metabolism.
Now I mean this literally. There is a pill you can take to help cleanse the system when you are in a phase of detox. This pill will rid you of anything and everything deep inside right down to your soul. I’m even convinced it has the power to rid you of pesky ex boyfriends….nahhh they still bother me. Point is, I spent some time in the porcelain room this week and I caught up on some light reading in there.
The best articles I found were all about the effects of alcohol on the body. I start realizing what a viscous cycle I was living in. Constantly working and workout and thinking in a state of dehydration, being bloated, tired & fatigued. Mondays feeling guilt for cramming a Laventina’s Big Cheese Pizza drenched in buffalo wing sauce down my pie-hole at 3am. (Why do they call it a pie hole if they don’t want you shoving delicious pizza pies down it?)
Actually asking my Lyft driver to stop me by Laventina’s on the way home from the bar. Class act you’re dealing with right here. It may have even got to the point where the Lyft driver picked me up and said, “The usual Ms. Peters?” and yes I had a regular Lyft driver by that time. One thing I can boast, I never drink and drive! DON’T DO IT PEOPLE. Lyft is cheap and entertaining.
Anyway I guess what I am saying is that this week I traded the puking friend at the end of the night for the smelly man in the morning sauna. The late night pickup order of cheese pizza for the mid-day drop off of cheese pizza that was lingering in my bowels all these weeks.
I’ve exor-sized my demons and now I’ve got 7 days left to see what this sober life is all about now that I am cleansed.
Join me next week for the gripping finale and the embarrassing fat girl “Before” pic and what is hopefully a well deserved fit girl “After” pic.
Signing off Sober